New Day’s Resolution

Juggling is easy. This is how you start. Throw the ball. Catch the ball.

That’s my plan. Throw the ball, catch the ball. Then add another. What I’ve done so far is throw the ball, become distracted and let it drop. Some time later, when I’ve got confident again, I’ve thrown another ball, remembered what happened last time, and dropped it. I am easily diverted. When I find a good use for that trait, It’ll be a good day.

I was looking for a verse to help me describe the kind of patience God has shown me over the years, and the closest I got was this one, in Acts 13, where Paul, preaching in a synagogue in Pisidian Antioch (present-day Turkey), is describing God’s dealings with Israel. In verse 18 he says ‘He endured their conduct for about forty years in the desert’.

He’s been enduring mine for a good while now, too.

I have struggled for years with that tension between trying to be really good, whatever I think that means, and trusting that I can believe God when I read that he loves me and I don’t have to try to make myself deserving of it. It is perhaps the greatest distraction of all. It stops me from enjoying my life too much for fear that this is somehow not Godly Behaviour and keeps my inner puritan fat on a diet of self-righteous self-denial. When I’ve had enough or my long suffering family gently sets me straight (or just laughs at me) it takes me a while to pick up the ball again and start playing.

But his mercies are new every morning. So off I go again.

Throw, catch, enjoy.