Home » Christianity » Day 18. It’s starting to get noisy in here

Day 18. It’s starting to get noisy in here

Yes, it’s weird. Since I got quiet, I’ve started hearing stuff I didn’t know was there/hadn’t heard for ages/thought had died off years ago, while I was growing this crust of discontent. The truth is I have little to be discontent about. I am very, very fortunate, and very, very forgetful of it most of time. In this time of reflection I’m noticing how quick my temper is, how thin my patience and, of course, how much people complain. No, you don’t have to say it. I cannot build a case against anyone else.

Not complaining has slowed me down. It has shortened a lot of conversations, ended some completely and spared me embarrassment more than once.  I learned this week that if I don’t shout back at my daughter in the heat of a fight she will calm down and apologise. This comes into the category of my Lent discipline because complaining to, about and over my children and their sometimes challenging ways has formed a large part of my conversation (not to mention my shouting ) for months. Okay, years.

All this suppressed complaining is stacking up in my head like weeks of dirty dishes. Unsightly and starting to smell. So I’ve been complaining in my head, so that at times I’m aware of an internal soundtrack of whining, not unlike a bee trapped inside my mind. This week I have tried bringing my complaints to God, which seems to be reducing the washing-up and the buzzing in my ears. I say my piece and often get a different perspective, which neutralises the complaint.

I am finding this very, very difficult. But worthwile. Because first, I know God doesn’t like moaners. Second, I want to raise my kids without (too much) nagging. A crazy dream, perhaps. And third, I don’t want to be miserable. And complaining, I realise, makes me miserable. So I press on towards the prize of positivity.

 

 

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